Romantic Compatibility and Conflict Report for
Special thanks to John Flagg for unflagging editorial support.
To the mystery and magic of relationship chemistry,
~ Dorothy Oja
Chapter 1: Enjoyment, Closeness and Lasting Impressions
This section is based on the idea that there are three basic needs in every relationship:
* Interest, energy and stimulation or sexuality.
* Enjoyment, abundance, expansion of awareness and happiness.
* Patterns for commitment, consistency, teaching each other or reaffirming something essential one for the other and vice versa.
The sort between your charts is for eleven separate aspects that define energy, fun and lasting impressions between you. Most strong relationships have at least four to six of these aspects between their charts.
Richard's MC in Capricorn and Elizabeth's 4th House in Capricorn:
Career and domestic issues will be one primary focus in your interactions with each other. You are likely to debate the merits of both external and inner needs, expressions or expectations at length. One intent of this aspect is to allow to you find just the right balance between your worldly or external achievements and your personal levels of contentment, as well as to find domestic harmony. Your lives together will center in many ways around the balance of home and career issues, family and responsibilities and the amount of time and attention you will give to either. The community environment, what it means to you and how you want to participate in it, together or separately, will also be a subject of discussion.
Elizabeth's Moon Sextile Richard's Asc.:
There is an easy outlet for the expression of emotions in your relationship and your partnership will have a strong emotional component. Expressing your feelings will be important and necessary in your relationship and will bring you closer. Sensing each otherís moods and being responsive to your partnerís moods and needs is greatly facilitated by this aspect. Simply being yourself, being accepted and feeling liked is the prevailing mood created by this connection between you. Provided you can handle the extra measure of emotional sensitivity, your relationship is enhanced by support of each otherís feelings. You are likely to enjoy many of the same activities and have a unique and intimate way of understanding each other that makes being in each otherís company comfortable. Interfacing with others and the public at large is an important additional way the two of you relate when you are together. People and social issues are of interest to you. Most people will find you caring, compassionate and sincere. The intent of this aspect is to increase your caring and nurturing capacities with each other and those whose lives you touch. Compassion and understanding in action are an important feature of your relationship.
Richard's Moon Square Elizabeth's Asc.:
This aspect requires that you explore the dynamic of emotion and action or that you are willing to act on the emotional needs required of your life together. One or both of you may have difficulty with excessive displays of emotion. When you are together and either of you is overly sensitive due to tiredness or any sort of stress, the expression of emotions can become extreme. Feelings seem to burst from either of you almost unexpectedly and in a flood. After one too many emotional outbursts, one or both of you may be reluctant to fully express yourself for fear of negative reactions from the other. Unmet needs will quickly become damaging to your relationship. There may be times that you feel out of sync with your partner and feel misunderstood or not properly acknowledged. This can be quite frustrating. To prevent unwanted and unwarranted dumping of emotions, make time regularly in your relationship life for the venting of emotions or simply set aside a time when you are calm, to process and discuss your emotional life. This tactic will prevent feelings from being bottled up and reduce excessively emotional scenes or emotions expressed inappropriately.
Richard's Sun Opp Elizabeth's Saturn:
There is a serious quality in your relationship and a strong bond with each other. You may feel obligated toward each other or there could be obstacles making it difficult for you to be together. It is important for you to determine the level of commitment and responsibility you are willing to make. There are bound to be some obstacles for you to overcome in your life together. You may find the challenges strengthening to your bond with each other or they may prove to be burdensome. You have chosen this level of relating in order to develop endurance, integrity or to build something lasting together. This aspect tests your sense of integrity and right and wrong. Either one of you may resist these forces and choose not to take on the challenge but if you do, you will be stronger for it. This aspect requires a level of maturity and acceptance of certain responsibilities. No wimps need apply. If you focus only on the difficulties between you they will loom larger. If you focus on resolving your problems with mutual respect, your relationship will grow stronger and more stable over time. You have something important to accomplish together. Whatever the developmental level that you are able to reach, this relationship will create an impact that will not soon be forgotten.
Elizabeth's and Richard's Moon and Venus in mutual hard aspect:
Although there is a natural appreciation and liking of each other, there will be times that you wonít appreciate each otherís habits. Or possibly your values are in conflict. Those will be difficult and frustrating times. You may feel undervalued or misunderstood by your partner. The affection is still there but youíll have to work on the breach or any damage to the self-esteem of your partner. Itís important that you put effort into cherishing the good qualities that each of you have, even though they may be very different from your own. When you are in conflict make sure you donít disparage your partner just because you donít like their choices. Be sure to give credit where and when it is due. Itís easy to take the good graces and support of your partner for granted but it does harm to the goodwill of your relationship, long term. The purpose of this aspect is to teach you cooperation, negotiation and compromise.
Chapter 2: Emotions and Communication Between You
These aspects detail the quality of the emotional connection and basic comfort between the two of you and your ease or difficulty in communicating, talking with each other and simply understanding where each of you is coming from. These aspects also describe how you reason together and resolve issues or problems.
Richard's Moon Trine Elizabeth's Moon:
You are each blessed with a natural, easygoing and similar emotional style. You share some of the same rhythms and habits that will make daily contact more comfortable for each of you. Timing will not be as much of an issue, in that you can more easily and quickly respond to each other's emotional levels of excitement or energy and empathize with each other's disappointments, in ways that both of you feel met by the other. You can fire each other up and cool each other down because you'll frequently be riding the same emotional wave. You're able to support each other when feelings overflow. Basically, you both seek the same kinds of comforts and can relate easily to each other's peculiarities. In fact, you can accommodate your partner's idiosyncrasies with humor and even turn them into jokes that become part of the private fabric of your relationship life. If you share living space, you are likely to have domestic tastes that match easily. Environments that comfort and support you are more often than not, shared by your partner. Social connections and the types of people you choose to interact with will be similar. And you will appreciate the fact that you love the same interests and are able to share and enjoy numerous different activities together. This is not to say that at times you won't be totally perplexed by each other's reactions because there are other factors in each of your personalities that must be considered. Also, if your upbringing is very different, it will add to the emotional adjustments you will need to make. Still, on the whole it seems easier for the two of you to make these adjustments.
Richard's Mercury Trine Elizabeth's Mercury:
There are many different ways to communicate and the two of you seem to be on the same wavelength most of the time. In other words, your partner understands and responds well to your style and method of reasoning, thinking and expressing your thoughts and feelings. You can make yourselves understood the first time, without rehashing and reiterating endlessly. Of course, you won't agree on everything all of the time, but coming to agreement on issues important to you or perceiving what the other wants to communicate will be easier. Your styles of intelligence are also similar and your preferences for mental stimulation could be the same. You are likely interested in many of the same subjects or enjoy learning together. In fact, one the best features of your relationship is that you can say about each other, "You understand me, you really understand me. I can tell you anything." You can talk for hours and never get bored. There's simply a natural connection which will make the rest of your lives together -- and your inevitable challenges -- that much easier. Because, when you put your heads together, you're more likely to arrive at a solution you can both live with than either of you could separately.
Chapter 3: Fulfilling Each Other's Partnerships Needs
These aspects explain how you meet each other's desires and dreams in special partnerships and one-on-one relationships. These aspects are based on what your natal chart describes that you're looking for in any major relational interaction.
Richard's MC Conj Elizabeth's 7th house ruler, Mars:
Itís possible that you meet through work or a community project and that your first meeting is memorable. In fact, you could be impressed with the take-charge attitude of your partner. You can encourage and stimulate each otherís projects at work or at home. However, it may be difficult for the two of you to slow down long enough to relax with the many projects on your agenda. Conflict can arise if one of you insists on always leading or directing your projects or deciding on a particular way to proceed. Expecting perfection or sharing the limelight can also be issues that arise between you, and these issues will need to be discussed and negotiated. The intent of this aspect is attention, action and improvement in your immediate career and home environment. Be aware that in your enthusiasm to move forward and reach your goals, you can become impatient, especially when you feel unnecessarily slowed down. Part of the intent of this aspect is to make you more self-aware and to show you how your energy and actions affect others both adversely and positively. From time to time, you will want to review all the activity on your agenda, to determine if a particular project suits your goals or is worth the effort demanded. The dedication that the two of you apply toward a common goal together can be an inspiration to all those who witness it.
Elizabeth's Mercury Trine Richard's 7th house ruler, Pluto:
You could feel uncomfortable, at times with the penetrating insights your partner is capable of or, on the other hand, you could be astonished and awed. Still, the things you communicate about together will have you questioning the pattern of your life, your motives and the desires you recognize in yourselves. Through the course of continued conversations with each other, you will gradually have a powerful effect on each other's opinions and thought processes. At times, you will be quite annoyed at the strong and sometimes stubborn stand your partner takes on a topic. The intent of this aspect is to reach the deeper layers of feeling, the thoughts and ideas that are often below the surface of awareness and bring them to the light of consciousness. By eliciting each other's strongest motives, desires and opinions, you will not only get to know your partner very intimately but you will know yourself better too. There's a good possibility that you will collaborate on writing or travel, teaching or learning. You have insatiable minds that are ever seeking to explore the mysteries of life in hopes of figuring them out.
Elizabeth's Jupiter Square Richard's 7th house ruler, Pluto:
You can magnetize each other's hopes and manifest each other's dreams. Together, you make the impossible seem easy. You can harness your resources and make them grow or you can squander them and live beyond your means. It's really very much your choice. Always keep in mind your intention or your hearts desire or an important goal worth attaining. There are times you'll be lucky and other times when you will be your own worst enemy by making all the wrong choices. You will expand each other's worlds and open opportunities for each other. In one way or another, you will have more resources as a result of your partnership. The intent of this aspect is to choose wisely from among your many options. There are some experiences that are simply not worth having. You may discover this through trial and error. Also, attempting to accomplish too much will needlessly diffuse your energy and focus and serve instead to overwhelm you. Be sure to curb excess ego, bravado or promises. Your natural spirit of generosity will always open doors for you, but keeping them open comes from following through on your promises.
Elizabeth's Asc. Sextile Richard's 7th house ruler, Pluto:
You will feel a strong impact when you meet each other, which can be positive or sometimes negative. Whichever is the case, it will arouse always deep and sometimes disturbing elements from your unconscious. This is exactly why you have attracted each other, so that you can progress beyond your current stage of development. By the same token, your effect on each other can stir latent joys and desires, and through those a willingness to metamorphose and evolve from the challenge of this energy between you. Some pressure is good, but you both have to decide how much, what kind, and for how long. The biggest mistake of an aspect such as this is to think that you can control the other person. You will get severe backlash if you play that game. Forget it. Use the energies you have to transform outworn systems or to build your dreams and maintain a continually fresh and living connection between the two of you. The instinctive sensitivity between you will not allow for deception, lies or betrayal. Activity of this nature will ultimately destroy your relationship and it will be nearly impossible to resuscitate it. The intent of this aspect is to bring you to the next level in your own empowerment and to learn to trust and utilize your instincts and make them work positively for you and your partner. If you direct and focus your energies optimally, you can be leaders in your community.
Chapter 4: Your Closest Contacts, Your Strongest Themes
This section interprets the closest connections between your charts. The idea is that the closest ties explain the major or central themes of your relationships and the reason you have come together. The nature of these aspects will also define the main activities, interests and patterns that comprise your life together.
Notice that in this section each paragraph contains both the easier expression of energies as well as the more challenging ones. Both interpretations are included because these close connections pertain to the central learning curve of your relationship. Based on the premise that the more exact the connection (also the closest energetic contact) between your pair of planets, the more psychologically significant the aspect will be for each of you. This means that you are likely to be strongly influenced by each other in the areas described. Because of this, it will be useful to consider both the easier and more challenging interpretations even though you lead with one of them. You will, from time to time and in various circumstances, probably exhibit some elements of each group, both the easier expressions as well as the more challenging ones. Another thing -- it's possible with both types of aspects that you will have the same challenges but simply respond or react to them in different ways. The goal is to rise to the best possible expression of each combination. This is the learning curve and this bestows wisdom.
Richard's Mercury Square Elizabeth's Venus (challenging aspect):
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme is about the high value you place on communication, learning, intelligence and experiencing, as well as sharing a wide range of stimulating ideas and activities.
Challenging aspects: Although you both value learning and communication or writing skills, you may have very different ways of expressing them or seeking them out. This can mean that you often disagree as to what activities to pursue. Still, you value connecting, so whether you agree or not, talking about the process and maintaining your communication connection will help to resolve your differences. You can even have very separate groups of friends, but sharing experiences when you get back together can be stimulating.
Easier aspects: You will enjoy participating in a variety of experiences that have to do with learning, language, writing, and short-distance traveling. You value intellect and the ability to communicate and you will seek ways of sharing what you know or what you've learned with friends and in social groups. You will have very similar values when it comes to making decisions about what are worthwhile experiences. Music and the arts are likely an important and entertaining way of spending your time.
Elizabeth's Venus Square Richard's Neptune (challenging aspect):
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme concerns sensitivity, compassion, forgiveness and the power of the unseen through symbols and imagination. There is a reverence and faith.
Challenging aspects: The other side of this hypersensitivity is the dislike of conflict, which can lead to various avoidance, neglect or substance abuse behaviors. Learn to trust your intuition to keep you from questionable experiences. Although your feelings can be confused or conflicted or you can be plagued by doubts, seek to speak the truth in so far as you know it, to avoid giving your partner the wrong signals. Deliberate untruthfulness would be damaging to your long-term relationship.
Easier aspects: This aspect is gentle and hypersensitive. Together you will express a natural sweetness, kindness and caring for each other and the feelings of others. You will be blessed with an ability to understand and experience the special magic of life and a deeper understanding of its mysteries if you are open to this. Faith and a spiritual practice are important ingredients in your lives. It's possible you inspire others through the arts or through a service profession or community work.
Richard's Mercury Square Elizabeth's MC (challenging aspect):
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme is presenting your particular message to your community and family and in your career. You can be in the marketing, advertising, journalism, teaching or writing worlds, because your language and communication skills are clearly obvious.
Challenging aspects: Your many skills and interests can at times distract you from your primary relationship goals. Spending time regularly going over the list of activities you are committed to and weeding out those that are not relevant to your goals will keep you from getting overwhelmed and underproductive. Scattering your energies will dissipate your message and keep you from your primary goals. Although you need variety, grouping your interests and tackling a few projects at a time will help you achieve more in a shorter period. Back up your talk with action.
Easier aspects: Much of your communication and conversation with each other focuses on practical career matters or issues pertaining to your top priorities, including your home and family life. Other possible interests concern the education of children or the continued development of your own numerous interests and skills. You are recognized and sought out in your community for communications, teaching or learning skills. You will also offer ideas and opinions and help to each other in career matters.
Richard's Neptune Square Elizabeth's MC (challenging aspect):
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme is to express your feelings and impressions in positive, often artistic ways and to seek and provide inspiration for self and others.
Challenging aspects: Sometimes being sensitive, understanding or naive about people and activities can get you involved in questionable conduct. Be alert to this, since it can damage your reputation. Be up front in your dealings and stay away from anything or anyone participating in illegal activities. It's unfortunate, but you tend to attract fringe elements. Use your compassion to help yourselves and others out of victimization or lack of faith. In fact, maintaining a spiritual practice will serve to center your energies. Don't take things for granted and check all claims for accuracy. Music, the arts, dancing, film, etc., can soothe your soul.
Easier aspects: It's possibly that your lives are connected to the arts, music or film or that you have a particular appreciation for those kinds of events. Other possibilities include environmental, social and community welfare concerns. Your quality of life is very important to you, as is your privacy. Your sensibilities are finely tuned and you choose your commitments carefully. You share very specific dreams and ideals that you will work consistently to realize and you value the pleasure and rejuvenation of leisure time.
Richard's Mercury Conj Elizabeth's 7th house cusp:
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme is to fully express your communication skills. You are recognized by your ability to strike up a friendly conversation with almost anyone.
Challenging aspects: Communicating and connecting with others is the highlight of your relationship. You crave the stimulation of people and varied activity. Because your interests range across many fields, too many activities can have you running hither and yon, often exhausting yourselves in the process. Takes some time to digest your experience before you go after another one. Your constant communication can sometimes get in the way of really talking through the important issues and avoiding the deeper stuff can keep your relationship just on the surface, which may not be satisfying in the long run.
Easier aspects: How you communicate with each other will be a central feature of your relationship. You will seek many activities and experiences to stimulate your minds and create occasions for sharing opinions and thoughts. It's very possible that you partner together to write, teach or in other ways communicate what you wish, to share with others.
Richard's Neptune Conj Elizabeth's Asc.:
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme concerns sensitive, compassionate attunement to others and to your surroundings. There is also a strong artistic sensibility and self-expression with this aspect.
Challenging aspects: Your kindness and compassion can be displaced, and you need to be conscious of your boundaries and those of others. You easily absorb the energies of the environment or people close to you. Take regular time to retreat and sort out the stimuli you've picked up, in order to alleviate the saturation and, oftentimes, confusion that results. Because you are sensitive, protect yourselves from being taken advantage of. Sometimes, life is difficult for those with your sensibility, but avoid substance abuses. Instead, seek sources of inspiration such as music, the arts, meditation or a spiritual practice and spend time with positive people.
Easier aspects: Your relationship is focused more on inner feelings and sensibilities than on the external masks you wear. The way you feel when you are together and the energy exchanged between you mean more to you than other characteristics. You have a silent way of communicating with each other that is endearing to those who know you. Both of you are likely to be interested in service or community work of some kind. Bringing hope and inspiration into situations that are difficult, and providing understanding and relief means much to you. Music and the arts runs like a thread through your lives.
Richard's Venus Trine Elizabeth's Asc. (easier aspect):
If this is the most exact aspect between your charts, your main relationship theme is expressing fairness, cooperation and graciousness in all your relationships with others.
Easier aspects: Others will naturally be drawn to you and appreciate your willingness to understand and negotiate for win-win solutions. Your relationship expresses kindness, graciousness and fairness more often than not, and you are both aware of the long-term benefits of compromise and the blessings of harmony. Your greatest happiness arises when you can be true to yourself as well as pleasing the other person at the same time. You have skills in connecting with others and are often called upon to organize social occasions. You enjoy social intermingling and have many friends and associates.
Challenging aspects: Your desire to please can take the form of compromises that are too costly for you. Your ability to charm can mean that at times you are insincere in your complements or inconsiderate. Do not let the good life or too many pleasures create a life of dissipation or debt. Consider what your most important values are and align yourself with them. It will always be easy for you to make friends, but the way you treat them will reflect whether you keep them.